adrienne maree, the luscious satyagraha

good head space

my my my...

what a weekend! i went to this beautiful place in northern california full of lovely people and big pretty trees, with a spring fed live pond in the middle and hot tubs just off an outdoor dance floor that pumped house music all night. the drive up was with a skilled speed demon and it was a good start. once i got there, there were a lot of people in a lot of places, if you know what i mean. what i got from the weekend is that i am in a good head space. i was selective about my experience, got the most out of camping, met the cream of the crop and danced like i haven't danced in years.

i could tell you a lot more stories but somehow it won't translate at all. there aren't words for everything. but i do love camping, and i can see myself becoming the sort of person who turns to the outside world for balance and comfort, in wonder and appreciation. i haven't had that experience too much in life - some ocean love in the south pacific, moments here and there, but it's a lot easier in california to get away.

part of my good head space is focused on my lips and entering the realm of kisses again. chale.

snippets

i am really proud of tchaiko omawale, my old business partner on conscious movements 
collective back in the day. we did some of the first edutainment events that i knew of, amazing 
shows with tidbits of information, raising money for hiv/aids organizations. i just chatted with 
her the other day, she's jumped across country in such a brave way, working on distributing 
her film and committing to the struggle of being a filmmaker in l.a. its just powerful to hear 
her workin through it and actually doing it!

--

i wrote this the other night hanging out with naina:

Out in the bay, prism cafe. Most cali hippy happy place I've been yet, 
lovely vibe in the literal sense. I ate amazing food tonight by naina's 
sister navina and got to see naina!! Naina is my twin star, a ball of 
wonder. Now, right now, there's a beatbox vs tabla contest on stage, 
they keep overlapping and that's the best part. Do I live here?
i have a picture of naina's crazy ass house - its beautiful and perfect. 













----

Why I Fired My Secretary Today

Last Week Was My Birthday And I Didn't Feel Very Well Waking Up That
Morning.

I Went Downstairs For Breakfast Hoping My Wife Would Be Pleasant And
Say, "Happy Birthday!", And Possibly Have A Present For Me.

As It Turned Out, She Barely Said Good Morning, Let Alone "Happy
Birthday."

I Thought... Well, That's Marriage For You, But The Kids Will Remember.

My Kids Came Into Breakfast And Didn't Say A Word.

So When I Left For The Office, I Was Feeling Pretty Low And Somewhat
Despondent.

As I Walked Into My Office, My Secretary Jane Said, "Good Morning, Boss,
Happy Birthday!"

It Felt A Little Better That At Least Someone Had Remembered.

I Worked Until one O'clock and Then Jane Knocked On My Door And Said,
"You Know, It's Such A Beautiful Day Outside, And It's Your Birthday,
Let's Go Out To Lunch, Just You And Me."

I Said, "Thanks Jane, That's The Greatest Thing I've Heard All Day. 
Let's Go!"

We Went To Lunch. But We Didn't Go Where We Normally Would Go.

We Dined Instead At A Little Place With A Private Table.

We Had Two Martinis Each And I Enjoyed The Meal Tremendously.

On The Way Back To The Office, Jane Said,

"You Know, It's Such A Beautiful Day.. We Don't Need To Go Back To The
Office, Do We?"

I Responded, "I Guess Not. What Do You Have In Mind?"

She Said, "Let's Go To My Apartment."

After Arriving At Her Apartment Jane Turned To Me And Said, "Boss, If
You Don't Mind, I'm Going To Step Into The Bedroom For A Moment. I'll Be
Right Back."

"Ok." I Nervously Replied.

She Went Into The Bedroom And, After A Couple Of Minutes, She Came Out
Carrying A Huge Birthday Cake...

Followed By My Wife, Kids, And Dozens Of My Friends And Co-Workers, All
Singing "Happy Birthday".

And I Just Sat There...
On The Couch...

Naked.

--

bus culture in oakland. some overheard convos between bus drivers and passengers are 
coming soon!

---

i love the song 'crack music' by kanye west. 

--

here is an excerpt of my reaction when a friend recently said she was almost on a beyonce 
photo shoot. i have edited out my friend's part out of respect, since she mostly had to say 
yes and tell me to calm down:

first, let's get her in your mind:
















(12:58:34) lusciousmsbrown: WHAT>S jqw ;gqewh/fkvm	q,fE ;	3bqgjssoxjzfdavs
(12:58:39) lusciousmsbrown: woah
(12:58:44) lusciousmsbrown: i just totally froke the fuck out
(12:58:46) lusciousmsbrown: sorry
(12:58:48) lusciousmsbrown: aslkdjhilaggv;ilqwbev
(12:58:56) lusciousmsbrown: THE SHPPTOEOT Wshotoeshoot?? 
(12:59:37) lusciousmsbrown: sigh
(12:59:39) lusciousmsbrown: breathing
(12:59:42) lusciousmsbrown: (deleted name of person who hooked up the shoot)!?!?
(12:59:45) lusciousmsbrown: damn
(12:59:47) lusciousmsbrown: ok
(12:59:49) lusciousmsbrown: breathing
(13:00:24) lusciousmsbrown: ok
(13:00:26) lusciousmsbrown: ok
(13:00:29) lusciousmsbrown: so you could have been like
(13:00:31) lusciousmsbrown: in proximity
(13:00:37) lusciousmsbrown: ok
(13:00:39) lusciousmsbrown: to her *f l e s h*
(13:00:48) lusciousmsbrown: ok
(13:00:51) lusciousmsbrown: ok
(13:00:54) lusciousmsbrown: like heard her voice
(13:00:55) lusciousmsbrown: wow
(13:01:00) lusciousmsbrown: all of that is overwhelming
(13:02:03) lusciousmsbrown: wow all i can think of is something like velvet
(13:02:49) lusciousmsbrown: water on her shoulder
(13:03:08) lusciousmsbrown: i think i couldn't really meet her. she's gone beyond. 

-

i have a grant to work on!! fun stuff...

pictures and words

the protest:

my heart is hurting over the escalation of world war that is taking place right now, understanding that the victims will be arab and muslim and poor, will be those with less power, will be those who race and visions of international domination isolates.

i am finally home after chicago-milwaukee-paoli-dc-paoli-chicago-milwaukee-chicago trip. home means oakland, still weird. my feet hurt like i ran the whole way. ibrahim and i flew home, i worked all day, and then slept soooo hard! this week has been meetings and meetings but its all great. i heart my job, i see why we exist.

been hearing from different folks that necessary conversations to follow up on this weekend's hip-hop convention are taking place and that seems right. i also see a rejuvenated energy in the folks i'm working with and partnered with who were there. i know i came back with a million ideas.

since i left the woods i keep dreaming about having leeches on me. its not really that nice. but i've had two nights in my bed, and a good conversation with my darling and particular roommate. i got to watch some stargate in my new bed, its starting to feel like home!

i am having a fun time dressing for california. i have access to my whole closet, not just travel gear, so i am throwing together all the colors i have at my disposal and loving it!!

i found out a crush of mine was at the hip-hop convention, at the same hotel, we both had our own rooms! not that my celibacy could be moved by the proximity of such a juicy treat. still. ahem.

i am doing something secret this weekend. just so you know.

i will post pictures of my room soon - it is so lovely in there - like all bed! i'm leaving my laptop at work these days so that home is a respite. my street, my walk to work is plants and birds and sunlight. i am kind of liking california life.

leaving chicago

The moment: I'm sitting in my little red rental waiting for ibrahim with too little sleep in my system wishing I had coffee and a q-tip. Pg. We're leaving the hip-hop convention. There are some who will call the gathering a success, some who will call it a failure; depends on your needs. I was one step away from convention planning the entire time and it was deep to watch folks come and go, envision and plan, fail to communicate, step up in big ways... I saw feelings get hurt, healing happen...but as I leave I think that a lot of conversations didn't happen. Learning to ask for and accept help is the only way to avoid organizational martyrdom, but its a skill as needed as any other. Pg. What will come out of this? Time will tell. Ibrahim's here, so we're off to the airport.

5 am

Its 5am in the morning. Today included a lot but too much to tell. The highlight was a local protest of the israeli move on lebanon. All week I've been receiving news and images of dead children, women...today I got to stand for a minute with brave a vital children and mothers in protest. Ill post the pics up when I can. The rest of the day was hugs and kisses. I did a panel with three powerful men - troy, luqman and immortal technique. Luqman's mosque was raided a few weeks ago in pittsburgh, and his was a powerful story in response to the topic: organizing in a post-9 11 world. I am fallin asleep now, more to come...

farmers markets and more

look at all those beautiful photos of gorgeous vegetables - those come from a farmer's market in the middle of milwaukee's southside which has been set up on a park even though the city only granted a concrete sidewalk. they are reclaiming the space for public use and the farmers on the site look so - satisfied, to be able to sell their fresh produce to people who otherwise have no access to fresh stuff.

today i got the tour from a southside organizer who is part of a collective that owns and operates several businesses and organizations and it was super powerful to see it all actually happening, not hypothetical. i hope in the future i can support this work!

milwaukee

what a world to return to. i have been reading the news for the last two hours, catching up on those things that happened while i was away. the destruction of lebanon, the onslaught on the only abortion clinic in mississippi, all this resistance and running; i know its the cycle of history moving round but it looks like an immense amount of pain in the world right now.

there is so much more to act on than there is capacity to act. last night someone was pitching me on new things ruckus should focus on, and it was all good ideas, but i had such a sense of limited capacity. we need so many more people.

my body is sore in a million new ways. the more you learn about how to live, the more you realize you've been living in a bubble, living as if you couldn't take control and survive on your own. i am ok to be back in the world but part of me wants to take my loved ones and make us all go out even further into the woods and hone our survival skills. or do an urban survivalist course. my brain is churning.

milwaukee always shows me a different side. the first few times i was in the city, it was at the side of organizers who wanted to show me the hood, where the gun violence was happening. the last time, i went to a super chi-chi restaurant and got my eyebrows done down the street, got to hear about how this white world had moved in on the hood. this time i have gotten promises that someone will show me the southside.

this is such a summer of gatherings. suddenly it feels very necessary to be seeing each other all the time. this network - if we are successful, by next summer we will have all replaced ourselves with others who train and represent our organizations, or at least added to our numbers.

my major work today has been tending to my minor wounds, remembering how thrilling it was to be hanging upside down having lifted myself to that place. i have a grant to write, a camp report to write up. in short - an exciting day. are you coming to chicago?

i have 730 emails to sort through. the fun just never ends!

beginning

I am back in the world of phones and computers and things, sitting in my girl dani's basement with the laundry going, about to head up and take my first non-pond water shower in a week. Le funk is upon me, and the whole experience was really humbling. Pg. Since I first heard of ruckus I wanted to find a way to be involved, because it just seemed like serious people with serious wins under their belt. Since I first saw New Orleans after Katrina, I've been obsessed with the idea of survival, especially for those communities on the frontlines of this climate crisis. This week was the walk down the ideological aisle in a way, getting to meet people who have a deep knowledge of how to survive. Pg. These people for whom I have the utmost respect got to see me fumble around a massive kitchen with only a surface knowledge of how to cook or clean for 40 people - a gifted Ruckutista named Rose patiently intervened; they saw me scootch up a rope which busted my hand open - I got halfway up and hung upside down and it was one of most challenging distances I've crossed. I can't wait to do it again. Emilie and Satya were gentle and encouraging as I faced how hard it is to get yourself up a rope. Pg. These fgood people got to see me pitch my first tent, then roll my big suitcase in there and take several days to realize we just couldn't both fit comfortably. I got to stand out in a torrential downpour, get into a pond where I couldn't see the bottom and slowly stop checking myself every 30 seconds for leeches. And I square danced! I cut open my finger cutting apples, twisted my ankle dancing, and I define dirty. Basically on every front it was clear how little I know of that world, and clear - at least to me - how little this set of amazing people know about my world. It will take a wealth of patience and effort to bridge the two, but I think for the survival of both, there has to be a real connection made between the survivalists and the frontlines. I await more opportunities for growth. But first, a nap and a shower.

rain sucks

freedom from oil camp is finished - no more training!! the camp was a major success, and camping is a lot of fun except while i was in d.c. it started raining and its been off and on raining since. everything is stinky moldy wet damp - i haven't even been able to get my hair dry.

this morning i just went with it, had on my island dress and stood out in it while it just dropped. nice moment, followed by cold cold cold. this type of hot humidity you never feel clean in.

tomorrow i will hopefully get to climb, that's the most exciting part, as well as sharing the vision for where ruckus is right now with the old network of trainers and ruckus family. folks have been remarkably kind and open and encouraging of what's next for this work. i hope this moment doesn't pass too soon.

i miss writing. but i don't miss email or my phone, which drowned under my sleeping mat the other night. maybe it will dry out, maybe it will work. regardless, i am going to be in chicago on tuesday. hope i have a place to stay...

much love

octavia butlerish

I am about to hop on the plane back to camp, where its been raining since I left but as of yet word is my tent has not flooded. I wanted to point out that this whole camping thing is totally in line with my sci fi survivalist side, its all very octavia butlerish. Pg. This morning I spoke at the campus progress conference, the morning was very action oriented - maria theresa from voto latino came before me, and reverend james forbes after. I made the decision to love the whole crowd but speak to those amidst the mass that might be serious about something more intense than a biz-casual future. My goal was 10 hyped youth, I got the contact info of 50. And they were moved, felt honestly communicated to. I felt like I let go of the need to make them all love me...I could love them enough to adjust my expectations. Pg. I saw billy wimsatt of the league for the first time since I started my new job. It was good to see him, I'm so unbelievably happy and the only odd thing is feeling like I should express a nostalgia I don't have. It amazes me now to think I once couldn't imagine life beyond the league, and now I couldn't imagine being there. Life and god, only take you where you're supposed to be. Its time to be in the woods for 6 days.

oh how i love it!

pre-p.s.: i'm officially 5 months into the no mojo zone! i have once again entered the arena of hugging and vertical cuddling, but am keeping it proper. this holding-self-on-a-pedestal thing is just too damn nice.

and, the early verdict is in:

i LOVE camping. i love sleeping with only a bit of mesh between me and the stars, i love the green everywhere, i love the little inchworms, fireflies, butterflies, and the birds and dogs and horses and....i love when its hot and you're kind of dirty and i love solar-powered showers and so far, i just love camping. everyone has been so welcoming and generous, from the oldest most experienced Ruckus folks to the fellow newcomers.

i think all people, especially peoples of colors, should be extremely comfortable with this type of living, just a touch so far and its remarkably empowering, you start to feel a certain freedom in you possibilities for survival. i learned to pitch a tent, and keep it dry.

not to mention, i love having a legitimate use for hand sanitizer.

leaving was hard, but the thought of seeing one of my sisters can get me to travel from anywhere...i am in d.c. for one night only to do a speaking gig tomorrow at campus progress, i go on sometime before barack obama. me and obama, go back like fat and yo mama...

i'm excited cause my boy will, student body president of Fisk and star Milwaukee organizer, will be in the house.

right now i am kicking it with my sister april and her naughty groping roommates, all very cute and young. also feeling good cause i got to hear my mama's voice. one should really never go too long without hearing the voices of family.

i am missing some folks right now big time! autumn, sofia, jenn, shane, janine, all my new york folks. but seeing dani-chale has warmed my heart up, i can still feel the glow.

tomorrow its back out to the woods of indiana, away from my phone and email and when i go back i'll be doing my first climbing.

now. have i told y'all about my love/hate relationship with the man no one knows, my 'adam lives in theory' dude? of course you know i have one. i think any single person over like 21 yrs of age has that person who they are pretty sure if life was different would be their all-in-all. i read him like a book, i can see the need under the brilliance. i heard some rumors about him, and i hoped they were true, that he was in fact making mistakes, cause it would mean he's finding ways to grow. he'd never let me see it.

feeling duly noted. keep it moving.

while i was away italy somehow won the world cup. busted. however, it amazed me how little it mattered in the face of meditating under a tree. am i fickle or super deep?

7 hours of sleep? for me? why yes....

goodnight loves

adrienne goes camping

I am going camping. Yes. It is 530 in the morning on a sunday. I woke up at 3am after an hour sleep, to drive from milwaukee to chicago for a flight. I had a fabulous time in milwaukee with lots of dani chale time, dizzy chi, I love that girl!! Toki, will, biko, cj, bobby drake, jamie, will's lovely daughter jhasmine, charity and others were in the house, we were all at the midwest social forum. I got to see the organizers of the conference working it out and speak with folks opposing the conference manifesto-style. It was interesting to hear smart people on both sides trying to do right. The process was in effect! I had to grab all this gear, and get my brows done, and the place we went, the lady saw that I was feeling a bit skicky, icky about my skin, unglowy, and she was like you are so beautiful let me try something and made me up and I felt like a princess the rest of the night! Now I have my sleeping bag, air pad, flash light, utensils and camping plate and cup, water bottle, hiking boots, tons of hand sanitizer, trail mix. I feel a little corny and scared and excited. Wish me luck! Me, adrienne maree, about to be CAMPing, ok people? Its all about learning to be dirty, that's what everyone keeps telling me. I am kind of a purell addict, I heart clean. Lets rock out tho.

back in effect

i just lost this whole blog. it had a long love note to seth. seth is the reason people can see my blog again, after a few days of your righteous discontent that it was missing. apparently anger is the highest form of flattery among my readers. anyway, the blog was an ode to his beauty, intelligence and speed. soon i will have a whole new blog with new design and everything cause of him and radical designs!

the blog also said i was back in effect because i accidentally quit smoking, and because i moved into my house and unpacked and slept surrounded by my beloved things and slept quite well in my newly christened home base.

and i was back in effect because jessica norwood came through last night and it was super exciting to see her. i haven't seen her in over a year since she stopped working at the league. we went through what richard pryor's mudbone character would call 'hard times' together at the League - growing pains. it was good to sit back and laugh about it now. she's thriving in mobile, running a water business and helping her community through hurricane recovery.

i mentioned how nice it was to not be vomiting anymore, how humiliating it is when your body reverses your favorite practice - eating. any lack of bodily function is a struggle, seems unfair. i heard from a dear friend today who is facing a much more serious bodily challenge, a total betrayal of gifts and blessings such that we cannot understand, and all i can do is pray pray pray.

i wrote about other stuff - the pretty dress i am wearing today, the fact that i am about to go camping and as a non-camper i am nervous, all this stuff.

i just don't have time and energy to rewrite it all! there's work to do.

i leave first thing tomorrow morning for a banger of a trip - chicago, milwaukee, back to chicago to indiana, out to dc for one night and back to indiana, back up to chicago and finally home. i'll be at the midwest social forum, then the freedom from oil camp, campus progress, and then the ruckus birthday camp and finally the hip-hop convention. i'll see a lot of loved ones, and learn some new things. i will see dani chale ho, and my sister april, and barack obama, and meet a lot more of the ruckus family. we're gearing back up into the 'it's all happening' mode. i love the midwest in the summer.

will write when i can!

my yawp is actually barbaric

ok

i sound horrific, when i try to sing it sounds like a barbaric yawp indeed.

lesson: when you are really sick on the inside, maybe hiking the hills and staying in a house full of animals which are lovely but to which you are allergic isn't super number 1 best move?

after a marvelous sunday with shane in which i saw the pretty colors of california and decided it wasn't pure madness to move here, i woke up monday with snot on my mind, painful throat, a that deep feeling of general malaise (which feels like never being able to move out of that other feeling - that just-before-a-sneeze feeling.) ick.

my body is in a low functioning state, and i am trying to think of ways to get it well before i travel on thursday. socializing en masse seems not to be the answer - laying in bed helps a bit but then i feel useless and start doing some work.

in other news - had a delightful evening last night. renna came up and cooked my sick ass a great and healthy dinner which stayed down, then we watched north country. i cried and gave charlize props. as someone who is generally anti-mining, it was deep to watch folks fight for the right to go in and have a fair chance to work in one. went to sleep fairly early, woke up only a few times to be sick, and had a delightful breakfast looking out over the water.

today, if miracles never cease, i will put on a well face long enough to get work done and move the rest of my belongings to my oakland abode, maybe catch the soccer game.

its the 4th of july, which means its celeste's birthday. i remember when this was a day that i, as a military brat in department of defense schools in germany or the south, would be decked out as a patriot, excited about fireworks, hear the story of how white rebels had bested the damn british and the obstinate indians and come up with an idea of a nation, and here we were, defending it. deprogramming in full effect. everytime the 4th of july rolls around it makes me feel mournful. i think of how we tell ourselves the only thing we have to celebrate are lies and ideas - i think that keeps us from ever seeking the reality of being a nation worth being proud to be a part of. its a reminder of the promise, the before to this after, that we are in a dark ages. even fireworks, which are so gorgeous and amazing to me, are supposed to mimic bombs bursting in air...

i've never been slow at finding the pretty though, i will eek out something amazing about this day. it's started off well, and i'm not a nationalist so this really doesn't have much to do with me, not today. after all, germany will eliminate italy today. :) there's a world out there.

a weekend to fall

oh what a marvelous weekend it's been. and not just because california has the best herbal remedies a body could ever need...this weekend was so good that in spite of some unmarvelous happenings, i am back on the thumbs up with cali.

i spent most of the last few days in tiberon, housesitting my friend jessamyn's parent's house. a few small tasks - cats and fish to care for, including one cat that's 20 years old. i am allergic to cats but really like them. this cat that's old is named pumpkin - she sits on a hotpad all the time. there's also a big fish named gilbert. but mostly, there's peace and quiet and a gorgeous view of a lagoon and then the bay and the city.

friday night i was dumb homesick. i cried, i knew jen and shane were coming and snapped at them for taking too long to arrive. i thought about how superior new york was, i thought about the poor quality of california public transportation. i didn't feel better.

but then i got to tiburon. (i will spell it a few different ways, to cover all the bases of 'correct'.

so y'all remember the parenthesis thing?)

friday night was super laid back, saturday we watched an mtv made marathon that made me happy i was no longer in high school, then lots of folks came up for a random bbq night. somewhere in there i was sick, then got violently sick - on the floor with no control over my body as it rejected everything it could - then just felt fragile and ill for the rest of the day. i took it easy on food and drink, so it was nice to see folks, i just felt ill. not only were jen and shane here from ny mingling with the sf league women, but oliver bernard came from school. i LOVE that kid - we all agree behind his back he is the nicest most gentlemanly man we know. literally, unlecherous. its always a pleasant time when he's there.

then this morning i woke up ready to leave the house and be in the world. we went to the farmer's market where i got lavendar honey and soap and a hot cinammon roll, then into the city, bought some snacks, then on the way home i remembered the beach over by the the marin headlands that i did a non-retreat at (i am no longer calling work weekends in beautiful locations 'retreats')...so shane and i drove over, buried our hands and feet in the soft pebbled sand there, then drove up and went for a hike (Me. Hiking! Has Cali-change already begun?) till we could see both up the marin part of the coastland and the entire city - near a lighthouse. we found these world war ii bunkers, every view in every direction was spectacular and breathtaking and adventurous. and we were driving in this sweet little black jeep with the top and back off - the sun - shane was totally on point, thanks to him i was able to address my homesickness and really feel the falling in love with california thing again.

i'm still sick. but i've kept food on my stomach all day and now i have a soft bed to climb into. and california has a sun, a coast, its on the pacific which is my favorite body of water...yeah. ok. cali.