adrienne maree, the luscious satyagraha

treatise on tender

have i ever written to you about my preference for tender? tender, to me, is a better thing than lust, love, wonder...its that divine combination of friendship and devotion, knowledge and pain and overcoming your smaller self for the sake of just one other person. tonight i saw someone, and we sat together, and we stood around, and we didn't look at each other at the same time, and i was so happy to be there, and i felt like - just tender.

this training i am in is intense, and i have turned the corner with it, i sort of love all the people here now, or at least a significant contingent. but the hard long hours and lack of sleep and breaks makes me all that much more vulnerable. i need the outlet, the other sort of attention that is completely unprofessional and imperfect. so there you go - i had a tender evening and i tucked it immediately into my whole larger history of tender experiences, those more addictive than jamesons... :)

in the meantime...

http://www.ninjaswithagendas.com/pink4congress/pink4congress.htm

too soon octavia, too soon

ah i never never post twice in a day i don't i promise but...

i just found out that octavia butler died!

and i want to cry. and can't here - i need to share it with someone.

oh octavia, warrior divine, inspiration to my revolutionary sci fi little soul, reason i keep a bag packed and ready to go, reason i believe fundamentally that change is god, setter of values that the next way is one we already know and can not see and the only way we can go...oh octavia, how could you go, be gone?

when nina died i felt like this - like one of the people whose footsteps i wanted to examine and follow and find and ask her about god and why...octavia wasn't always a poet but she was always a genius. she was the patternmaster, she was a morpheus, she was an atreyu.

if you haven't already, read everything she ever wrote - its not a lot, its not enough, its all necessary. i'm going to look at my screensaver - god is change - and try to let go.

the m street hotel

i'm at the groundbreaking new organizing institute - where old school field meets new school technology. some good trainers coming through, but i think i know exactly why the democrats keep losing - i'll keep you posted.

personally, this is intense. we wake up at 9 and work till at least midnight and i am very tired already and we're not even halfway into it yet. and i'm still sick, its slowly moving into my chest and that means of course no smoking. and i broke my phone charger and have no way to get another one! so my phone is out of batteries and now i am unreachable except by email or aim. i am trying not to be grumpy, cause there's a lot to learn here, but there's also a lot missing, a lot that's old, a lot that's perky but perhaps empty. but i'm finding the dope people who are doing things in new innovative ways and learning.

i want to see my sister and some d.c. friends while i'm here and haven't gotten to yet, haven't gotten to really leave this hotel even. send me love notes people! i don't even know what day it is!

eau de garlique

ok, i think if i could smell i would notice i am emanating eau de garlique but i do have to admit i feel better. thanks yemi!

i got out of my sleepless bed at 5 this morning, caught the subway to the train with my big new super rolly suitcase and my new wrap on, feeling cold but somehow like i could trick myself into feeling like an elegant traveler. do y'all ever have delusions of elegance?

on the subway i had some more chills and really needed to sneeze but realized i had no tissue so spent a long time making the face of someone not trying to sneeze - the anti-elegant! on the train i passed out  open mouthed and obstinately not wanting anyone to sit next to me, and that was nice. je suis une ass. last night i couldn't sleep at all, not sure why, just kept running through all manner of things in my head, particularly the new sci-fi book i am developing. i pitched the initial concept to these publishing folks who have been asking me about a book and they said interesting, flesh it out, which is very exciting...its a nutty sort of idea, mixes real interviews and politics with a fictional parallel world and premise, sort of. it makes very happy to think about. hopefully oprah doesn't find it proper to ever yell at me about this book...

now i am at the end of my first day at the new organizing institute learning to run campaigns. intense!

a ghost i had written off wrote back. my memory of his high quality verbal antics make me more than willing to be a bit  haunted. 

have i mentioned that on a scale of 1-10, someone who makes me giggle on the phone, by aim or email, always scores a 12? this is the way the heartbreaker has made it back to full friend status after all this time. and he's really in the green this time, a stressless fun. ca-ra-zy!

and cali-seth i did not get you sick! i hope. gosh, that would be horrible...yet kind of awesome in terms of the transnational possibilities :) speaking of which, i finally got my copy of the vanity fair tom ford's hollywood issue. what a sheer delight. i love the sienna miller shot best of all i think. that's the mode i'm gettin to...all kinds of transnational things happened to me perusing the spread. while it may not be reflected in my daily gear, i LOVE high fashion and perfect photographs. vanity fair is the only magazine right now i read cover to cover, its got all the contradictions i like, political critique with hollywood indulgence, pop art, they even tried to cover hip-hop! and high art which i only like at a distance, not when surrounded by 'artists', and grimy well written debate and the editor in chief is bordering on a gangsta deconstruction of the bush deuce era.

oh and jen sent me something a while ago that made me feel good inside, though i work very hard, but i think this captures the essence of what i do. i wanted to share it with you...i am a downshifter!

 

downshifter, n.

DRAFT ENTRY Dec. 2002

 

orig. U.S.    Brit. /

danft/, U.S. /danftr/, /danfdr/  [< DOWNSHIFT v. + -ER¹.]   

    A person who adopts a less pressured and demanding career or lifestyle, esp. one who accepts a reduced income in pursuit of personal fulfilment.   

1990 U.S. News & World Rep. 31 Dec. 84/2 In the 1980s there were fast-trackers. In 1991 they will be ‘downshifters’, who reinvent success by shunning career-track jobs with good promotion prospects for jobs that allow more flexible hours and more time for family and community. 1995 J. B. SCHOR Overworked Amer. vi. 164 ‘Downshifters’those who reject high-powered, demanding jobs in order to gain more control over their livesmay be the latest trendsetters. 1999 Independent 1 June (Open Eye Suppl.) 12/1 In extreme cases they become ‘downshifters’, distancing themselves from consumer society.

enjoy your weekend. i no get one :( but i am feeling better! kisses

i am so sick

i am so sick. i woke up today unable to get out of bed, finally kind of crawled shuffled to the bathroom, i can't breath through my nose and my throat is like fiyah and my body hurts all over. i laid down to work from bed and ended up sleeping all day, that fitful feverish sleep, shivering and feeling very sorry for myself. why god why? why me!? ain't i been good to you!! didn't i take airborne before hanging out with my little homey?

did i need a day laid flat on my back in bed? yes. did i need it to be a feverish not breathing fit? not so much.

sigh. i have garlic cloves, i will go squish them and eat it. yeah. garlic. yum.

hero shane came thru with soup and theraflu and oj. before that i was having a samantha day - you know on SITC when she gets sick and has no one to really call like that? being sick is gross.

tomorrow i have to wake up at a completely unreasonable hour and leave for a three week trip and that seems unfair. chale why. i am packed, luckily. mostly. but i would like to spend a couple more hours feeling absolutely miserable and sorry for myself. tons of work not done.

i am watching chapelle show season 2 and laughing miserably. soon my body will demand i leave the warm bed again and i am just trying to think positive alliance building thoughts towards my bladder. its only doing what comes naturally since all i've had today are liquids. AAAARRRRGGHHH!!!

anyway, did you read my saul williams interview on wiretap yet? http://www.alternet.org/wiretap/32430/

i want my mommy.

trying to have new thoughts

is it possible that capitalism is the reptilian equivalent of socio-economic development? perhaps setting up a polar dynamic between capitalism and socialism is actually pointless, that like an amoeba becoming a reptile becoming a whatever comes next on the evolutionary path to lions and tigers and bears. and monkeys and/or apes and then us. at some point everything that is a part of our being today was formative and theoretical, and i am thinking that rather than tryin to imagine our vision in an absence of the current moment, we could start envisioning it truly as an evolution from this moment. then what fusions and creations are possible. walking was a revolutionary concept once. as was fire. if you consider for a moment that monetary wealth is as much an illusion we all buy into as race, what other illusions are possible? and can you carry that possibility into a fight against the inequality of access to resources, and the fight against racism?

my real goal for today's post was to address phrases people use that i actually have no knowledge of. i present:

1. bleeding like a stuck pig. i've said this before, but do pigs carry a lot of blood? what is it when they are stuck - like do you stick them? or do they get stuck somewhere and then bleed in panic? what?

2. sweating like a whore in church. what sinner doesn't sweat in church? pre or post confession?

3. cold as a witch's tit. is this an emotional cold? are witches cold blooded? all i can think of is janet's tit, with chris rock's voice yelling, "40 year old titty, your man's titty. 20 year old titty, community titty!

side note: i do a pretty great impression of chris rock because my sophomore year was spent in bed with my roommate adriana reading aloud from chris rock's book. she found it quite amusing and i've always had a weakness for bedtime stories. in character. i remember one my father used to tell us abotu spiders, where he saved us.

do you have other phrases like this? maybe we can get to the root of all this?

i am sick. sick like a kid was around me who was sick and everyone else around him got sick and now i am sick. trying not to resent his youthful approach to being sick, versus my full body misery.

i just spent a night of absolute delight and honesty with shane jones. shane is one of those men who is too stunning, so you just have to get over that to be his friend, and on top of that he is brilliant at analyzing things and just generally two steps ahead of the game. our time is distinctly tender and treasurable. and then, in like september, came jen. jen has an immense life force, and fills up a room, and between the two of them i could delay acknowledging the sniffling sore feeling of sickness coming, cause i wanted and needed to indulge in the themness.

now i am drinking hot tea with echinacea and honey and lemon and stuff in there and starting to pity myself. i hate hate hate being sick!!!

:) come soup me up someone. sigh...

play day

le situation de jour, por favor: je ne parle francais pas, n'espanol, j'ai no deutsch - je pense m'apptitude pour liguistics est plus mal, parce que je ne care pas. ich nyet multi-lingual. unfortunatement, ma pere, mi papi-cher, persistment je returnez a l'institution pour l'education de francais. sigh. je besoin une journee a morocco sans pressure, une immersion completement! je ne besoin pas une degree a columbia. pero (parce que?) ma pere. les intentions des parents c'est bonne, parce que j'ai une desire pour liberte, y cono tu l'education traditional. pero yo soy triste yo no habla la lingua de monde. pero columbia c'est un poco merde. 

anyone who understands that will get the genius of the month award.

i just spent the entire day playing!! it was awesome!! i have a DUMB amount of work to do, but when i heard my homey was on vacation this week and i could have a whole play day with a 5 year old genius i figured...the work will be there and i will be working for three weeks including weekends straight and damn it, i wanted to play! hours of swordfighting, playing with cars, dancing to the closing credits of madagascar (i like to move it move it), watching and mimicking spiderman and cleaning the house (me: think of this as a gift to mommy that you can give anytime! him: i love mommy, so i think that's a good thing to learn.)

one key moment was that we finally talked about my weight. him: "i think the reason you can't do it (it being the super awesome double jointed behind the back sword spinning move) is cause you are too fat. your butt is too fat! its ok, you are still pretty. it can go away." thank god for that! 

random sharing moment of the day - i left myself this message for myself the other night: when people hate you, hating back is the least you can do. i am tired of people using hateration as a cool outlook and as a way of feeling they are combating hatred and oppression on a global scale.

this is a lofty thought i think. unfortunately i am a hater! lol...

just chatting with my girl meighan whose grandmother is sick, and thinking about grief and letting go. i don't know if i ever told y'all about sugarfoot, my dog of 13 years, who died in 2004. we got her when she was like 3 weeks old, in georgia. all black with white paws. such a dog, made for our family.

i got to spend two last months with her before she died, on the island in south pacific where my parents were stationed at the time. i was healing in that ocean, under that sky. our backyard was the ocean. one night my sister april tossed off an honest, not cruel, comment about how sugarfoot was gonna die - she'd been sick with doggy cancer for a while - and i found myself on the floor of the living room alone crying. and sugarfoot, who never really learned to bark and who stayed a puppy her whole life, came over and laid her beagle cocker spaniel head on my foot and watched me deal with the idea of losing her. then she acted like she needed to pee, so i took her out back. she didn't leave the patio to run and squat like usual, she just sat on her booty and looked up. so i looked up, and there before us was a plethora of stars, so many, such a sense of the infinite. we watched the world turn for a while and the moon was brighter than ever and i suddenly, deeply knew it was ok, she was ok with it, that she was letting me know it was ok.

i came back to ny and a month later when my whole family was in south carolina for my grandfather's 75th birthday, we were driving down their driveway when i checked my messages and her caretaker had left several desperate messages. my dad stopped the car immediately and we got the news, the news you can't turn back from, sugarfoot was gone. we all had to get out of the car and i had this deep sick weeping, the physical knowledge of loss. she didn't want any of us there i think.

we each had our relationship with her. when my dad couldn't tell anyone about his top secret pentagon work we would catch him in deep conversation with the dog on their nightly walk. when my mom was chatting with her three daughters off at college 17 hours away, sugarfoot would tuck under her feet and be company to that deep missing. autumn and i easily took to her as children, and april was a little tougher but grieved just as hard. impermanence means valuing the time you have with each person, each creature in this word who gives you comfort. and letting her go, i can feel that little sugarfoot vibe with me, chilling, no need to comform to growing up all the time, no need to bark and be the loudest dog on the block. and yeah, she had a nicotine habit, expressed by collecting and chewing on cigarette butts on her nightly walk. she'd get home and drop them outside the door, and give that smoky gravely gaze to us like, yeah you didn't see me pick up the habit and i don't want to talk about it...i've lost others, but when i think of grief this is the experience that stands out to me. how i deal with losing people in this world, i hope, can be held up to this standard - coming to peace, being able to let go, and knowing that i loved really really well each day that i had the chance to.

slightly related, i gave a sustainability training this week and i have to say this is my favorite training to do my far. the conclusion is always - sleep a lot, eat well, orgasm a day, do what you love, make yourself useful! thats a nice way to leave things with people. training, for me, is this other way to love tons of people. all of my trainings ultimately come back to the same thing: love yourself, love your community, uplift us all in your daily, personal, strategic, movement actions. it's on you, and it can feel so good.

the pleasure activism thing i am thinking of developing into a book. it really is a piece of everything i do, back to the sex and drug education, forward to how we do hard struggling movement work - the quest for joy rather than mere satisfaction is constant, is possible at any income, is possible on every day.

what else today...i am sooooo procrastinating right now! lol. pile of work, something comes a-diving! c'est moi!

knocking it out

i am about to go on a three week journey of intense trainings and retreats and meetings and am trying to get all the work done beforehand. what fun!

just had a nice little soup session with this brilliant man named j.p. who teaches tai chi and works with the Bioneers and was just delightful. we talked about movement, capitalism, getting tired of naivete, health, natural highs, and more.

on the way home i passed this white girl in those funny super furry boots who was on the phone saying, "well you probably tan like i do, get all black and crispy. CRISPY. c-r-i-s-p-y! crusty! black! like toast! yeah...hahahaha. its awesome to get black." no comment necessary.

i've been listening to two songs non-stop...yo by chris brown and i choose you by willie hutch. yo makes me happy because even though chris looks a bit squish-faced, his video which basically shows him in a dance sequence following a girl around singing about how dope she is comes precariously close to the fantasy i held all through middle and high school for how i wanted to be approached. this fantasy still holds. anyone who bursts out into a song and dance routine to get my attention will get rewarded! the other song was on the soundtrack of hustle and flow, and jaheim did a not as good cover of it, but the original sound is just an indulgent exploration of the very moment of love.

the heartbreaker and i had our meyers briggs moment today, where it became clear that all our problems come down to the reality that he is a j and i am a p. sigh. i would get the official interpretation but the cheesy online service costs $5 and frankly i am just not that obsessed. right now.

had another super deep conversation today, with someone who i have had a crazy complex few years. we went at it honestly, deeply, this is what i thought, what i need, what i needed, etc. this is how it drains, it hurts, and in the end just getting to say i love you with all of this behind us but to move on it has to be behind us. it felt good. i feel good right now about my ability to wrap my mouth or fingers around what i need to say.

can i also just say that i love smooth move tea? whooo poooo!! certain movements should not have the motto back that thing up. ahem. are we close enough to talk about that?

happy birthday chelsea!!

now i am off for 24 hours of play with my inspiration, the 5 year old genius in my life. cheerio!

hustle and flow

i'm watching hustle and flow - its exciting to watch it and see that beyond the fact that, like evans said, 'its hard out there for a pimp' was exciting as an oscar nominated song, these faces and stories are being brought to a big screen. terence darling. you hot ass, you go.

just home from asif's 'word on the streets' screening. poor sound quality, but the film asks great questions, and shows real people asking. overall i was so proud of asif and his completing this project. and the party space might just be home to the next virgo bash.

the emails and calls and posts about last nights blog make me feel a bit responsible for what i put out there. and that's cool. much love tchaiko, tarn...

for pamela, a description of my heartbreaker: he was a model once, and when i found that out i almost called the whole thing off. he's an organizer who has very little work actually under his belt, but a gift for charm, and for working with young people. all potential and promise. he's tall and stunning and disciplined and particular. a control freak (with a pleasure activist - no way!), he's too smart and when he gets to a precipice he has no problem not jumping. we go back and forth from excitement and joy to disconnect. right now, we are communicating more honestly than ever before, and for the first time i am considering the fact that the obsession-type love might really be over, that i was pursuing him for the pursuit, to have a beautiful man tell me i am beautiful, and contending with who he really is as a friend is bringing me a mature joy. it is romantic, to have your heart broken. its not romantic at all to realize that someone may not be capable of ever satisfying your emotional needs, and you keep coming back. i've stopped coming back for that. i want the real him. and i had an amazing talk with shane about the idea of letting go of people who you cannot mold yourself into a match for, or people who just hurt and get hurt by you. let it go.

hustle and flow quote: 'is a pig's pussy pork?'

and in terms of the question am i an organizer or a phenomenal writer or phenomenal personality...lol. that's great. i wrestle with being an 'organizer'. i feel like i grasp organizational development and the need for intentional work, and i am willing to teach that cycle to anyone, to carry tools from community to community when they don't have time or capacity to look up and see what's already out there. i connect people with ideas. i'm cool with that, i know what i am good at, i can inspire and write and learn and teach. i am not a doorknocker, i am not into meetings or phonebanking or manipulative campaigning. when folks think of what organizers do, i don't do those things...but i can make the best ways to do those things clear to people who never thought to plan.

and i think of myself as a sloppy accessible writer and many personalities. my boy evans says everyone has multiple personalities. i have been trying to get to the root of me. i find i am an introvert, shy, have a hard time entering spaces, so i err on the side of making a big splash and acting like i know it all, but all i know is that i don't Know anything. and i want to be told i am beautiful and i want to be adored and i want to be enough for someone. and i am sexy and sexual and somewhat sex obsessed. i really like pleasure, i like cheap, dirty, inappropriate pleasure; and sanctioned, spiritual, intellectual pleasure. pleasure activism for me is aiming to get a massive percentage of each day to be a fully engaged experience. i seriously consider orgasmic thought, orgasmic dialogue, orgasmic contact with the world. this isn't an effect of privilege to me. i learned the most i have ever learned from the marshallese community, people with no material or educational possessions, who regift because ownership isn't a value, who smile because the sun is out, even if its a hard workday. who make beauty out of shells and fish string. i like to consider what it means to be happy in myself, and then i go to that place, and often.

in terms of spiritual pleasure - i am considering now if i can be close friends with dishonest people. i can love them, but do we need proximity? because i need faith, and my faith comes from being true.

but in terms of cheap dirty pleasure - today on the train i came on and this hot dude looked at me, and soon we ended up in the packed car in a sort of corner against the door. no eye contact, just pressed up on each other in the mix and before long it was clear he was grinding on me, leaned in near my ear. i didn't grind back, we said nothing, and with my big hat there was no eye contact...but i didn't stop him, i did my sudoku against his chest and snuck glances at his half smiling lips, and he smelled good and it left me feeling all tingly. when i went to get off he said so i guess i should get your number. i said that's ok, just don't forget me. he looked mindblown. and why not?

now, at the the young democratic socialists meeting today i got to meet damu smith, who i have wanted as a mentor for years. he works for peace and environmental justice, and he is fighting cancer, and he is a picture of love and healing and brilliance. can you consider that, with death afloat in your body, to demand peace, patience, hope? he, and joe schwartz, and komozi woodard, and bill fletcher, all in the context of socialism...its a fabulous space to think. here are some highlight concepts in the form of my facilitator questions:

1. is it really a strategy, waiting for the fall of an unsustainable economy?
2. if you don't believe in a capitalism as a framework, why not engage in counterfeiting to make a joke of money, in subversive education to make a joke of underfunded public schools, in resistant sovereign communities reclaiming the land of this false nation?
3. how do you wage peaceful strategic campaigns in a moment of overinformationg, where big marches make no mark on the public...without any gimmick or indulgence, how do you keep suffering in the public eye, even if you have to use mainstream media as the conduit, to move people to motion?
4. personality and even community don't seem real in a world where there's no leverage over decision makers. what is a socialist strategy for gaining leverage?

after posting last night i got into a late late night dialogue with anjali, this hottie dr-dj in l.a., and i thought i should excerpt a bit of it here:

(04:46:27) turtle wexler: speaking of your first line on the blog post, you ARE really honest on your blog. i've blocked myself from being completely honest, it's scary. tahts great that you are. i was reading some older posts of yours.     what about anger at a past love?
(05:05:22) lusciousmsbrown: thats different, thats an internal thing to release, to just live as knowledge. i have knowledge of all my past lovers, all my past conflicts, but i feel cool about it like data on star trek.  i understand most offenses as the logical conclusion of abuse, issues, not personal
(05:06:20) turtle wexler: wow just finished your most recent post. intense. you put it in words that allowed me to let go of some anger -- i was just at the "raw end of someone else's process". those few words put things into such perspective
(05:07:32) lusciousmsbrown: anjali i had a breakdown cause of these people. my most beloveds drove me to a suicidal place, and they knew it. sometimes i wonder if my whole life's purpose is saying over and over that the emperor has no clothes on.  
(05:08:06) lusciousmsbrown: when i am drunk on saturday nights, i get my neo energy. but - its all abuse: emotional, casual
(05:08:25) turtle wexler: whats your neo energy?
(05:08:48) lusciousmsbrown: where its all super clear and i feel at peace and - that peace becomes the power to completely manuever the world, the bullshit, the terror. i feel fearless and clear, fearless is crucial
(05:09:30) turtle wexler: i hardly ever feel at peace these days, but when i do, it's blissful
(05:09:41) lusciousmsbrown: yes but informed bliss right?  cliches have usually made me associate bliss with ignorance but its this deep knowing
(05:10:09) turtle wexler: no absolutely -- informed bliss
(05:10:12) lusciousmsbrown: that nothing is personal, that all you can do is you...knowing that, knowing exactly how pathetic and divine we are. peace then becomes freedom from being beholden to whatever, other peoples pain drama trauma etc
(05:11:08) turtle wexler: exactly
(05:11:21) lusciousmsbrown: like: i know you have issues but they aren't mine. you can say that to anyone
(05:11:29) turtle wexler: yes!
(05:11:37) lusciousmsbrown: :). and now i can get to mine. and they arent as scary, because you accept that they are terrifying. and just don't let that deter you from pursuit. my shit is scary, i drink for a reason: i need to sleep! i need less dreaming!
(05:13:35) turtle wexler: yes we all drink for a reason
(05:13:42) lusciousmsbrown: exactly. but we are symptoms, that's my latest thought. humans are one body, individual pain is symptomatic of...built up destruction :). we need healthcare
(05:14:48) turtle wexler: sweet
(05:14:55) lusciousmsbrown: indeed,  i like that metaphor
(05:15:01) turtle wexler: i love that metaphor
(05:15:07) lusciousmsbrown: jinx then
(05:15:15) turtle wexler: hehehe. we need healing
(05:15:30) lusciousmsbrown: we are nerds to love that metaphor but healing is all we are doing. strategic healing, movement is healing. health is heaven
(05:15:54) turtle wexler: it's already been decided that we are nerds. yes, strategic healing is so needed, i like taht "strategic healing"
(05:16:09) lusciousmsbrown: i think my great issue now is anyone who resists strategy. i want this to be the age we moved from consideration to an understanding of strategic action
(05:16:50) turtle wexler: ah i'm trying to get better at strategy and strategic healing. steep.
(05:17:15) lusciousmsbrown: i am so tired of pontification, and even of understanding, presumed understanding. the idea that we Get It is so pompous. we can't Get It, thats a lifelong battle
(05:18:50) turtle wexler: have you heard people talking about getting it?
(05:19:14) lusciousmsbrown: i hear people often who clearly think they've got it, they are sooooo articulate. i do it myself, but i only feel free when i let go of that. knowing is not the goal...living is the goal
(05:20:02) turtle wexler: i often catch myself thinking i get it compared to others. i try to hit myself inside (in a not abusive way, more on a slap of the hand kind of way) to stop that behaviour.
(05:20:29) lusciousmsbrown: today i was thinking and saying, i have a sense of superiority in terms of vision in my brain, and regardless of class in many people's brains. i am drawn to genius, to people who see big detailed pictures
(05:21:05) turtle wexler: i'm totally drawn to genius too
(05:21:12) lusciousmsbrown: i dont think everyone can see what i see... but its only divine gift plus privilege, and i do think everyone has divine gifts
(05:22:45) turtle wexler: yes i agree
(05:22:52) lusciousmsbrown: but i think the way we are kept disempowered is that most people don't see or believe it...they think a material wealth will prove it, to themselves so they struggle and suffer
(05:23:30) turtle wexler: exactly
(05:23:44) lusciousmsbrown: and where suffering is constant its heatbreaking, the genius that is missed
(05:23:49) turtle wexler: i don't even know if they know it, i don't know if they necessarily think that material wealth will prove it. i think it's subconscious. we're molded to do what's thought to be success
(05:24:06) lusciousmsbrown: the goals that are set, which have nothing to do with freedom
(05:24:14) turtle wexler: there's so much insane genius that goes unfelt

fear and loathing

i think no one is reading this blog anymore, all of these long late night posts of extreme abject honesty. friendster keeps telling me to upgrade so i can see how many people read it, but i want to be able to stay honest, and that requires a belief that only i read it, and maybe one or two others here and there...

so you know how days pile up such that you reach the end with a whole different understanding of the world? or at least, your immediate history?

i facilitated the opening plenary of the young democratic socialists conference, we talked about change and katrina and power and stuff. i constantly contend with being a socialist at heart, but not seeing the pragmatic steps from that ideology to change. but a good conversation happened, with smart people, deep people, and the conference continues all weekend - holla if you're interested in details, or come through 351 18th st tomorrow.

but that's not what shook me.

what shook me was dinner with an old friend where we finally debriefed a period of time that was dark and dangerous for both of us. i have spent years not thinking about the reasons for our behavior, and that of others, during that time, while simultaneously trying to grow in my relationships with them and myself to a better place. it wasn't that deep...but of course it was...

for reasons i may never understand, probably stemming from my own little history of trauma and madness, i seem to be drawn to only children raised by one parent, or at least one 'sane' parent, often abused or neglected or both. i spent the evening with one of those children, and the discussion was so illuminating, we spoke directly to the results of that sort of childhood.

to be naive, as i have been generally in dealing with a lot of folks, is to open yourself to forwarded abuse, to capture in your heart the bruises and lies, to have to contend with loving someone who may fundamentally be unable to return it without malice or distrust or scheming, someone who doesn't aim to be that way, but when pride is the thing you have left, you protect it with your whole being. and for the naive kid who came from a family which, while it had its dysfunctions, was built on a foundation of acceptance and love and escape from the shit of the world...its such a hard thing to understand, to see and love someone amazing who has no real capacity to love and be honest with him/herself...

on the trip home the trains were all late and people were antsy and loud and waiting and my ipod shuffle is broken for a minute so i had to hear it all. this fratboyish type, talking to a giggly graceless girl, said...'i mean, don't get me wrong, he's my best friend in the world, but he's a goddamn russian fucking shitty cocksuckin asshole; i can't understand half of what he says to me - i just smile and nod. i mean i've never seen him act so civilized - he must like you.' and she giggled. this overheard comment threw my night's conversation into sharp relief. i have loved and given much time to some assholes. its no laughing matter. as i get older i begin to respect assholishness, to see it in myself and call it boundaries, reality checks, etc. 

i think i am mostly past the phase of my life where i smile and nod, even giggle my way through it. anyway, people, even assholes, aren't disposable - my love doesn't allow that. but i remember i used to giggle in fear, while my whole body shook in panic, at the mercy of people i loved and feared. can you loathe while you love? i, knowing no danger, was going through a phase in which i would get high and entertain a room by deconstructing people's 'cool'. perhaps because i didn't have the same pride, jealousy, anger to contend with, i thought it harmless. so wrong. sitting and talking with someone who you have shamed, who has hurt you, and just being honest - it's daunting.

and speaking specifically about lies and honesty, living as yourself versus the projection of yourself...avoiding lies...oh i used to lie to impress, and it was no good, left me feeling like nothing, it was bad. but i could break down and come back and change my behavior, grow up. those who have a history of childhood abuse lie to survive. its so different. how do you change that?

who talks about these things? you wanted a sexy blog but i'm on burnt-mojo hiatus :) and on a friday night! i should be dancing. hmmm - maybe i just will do that. night, loved ones...

a doozy

i just came off such a night! this might go on...

i went over to rehearsal time with joshuagabriel, the third of the affianced jewish trifecta. the major difference between jg and my other newly affianced friends is that jg is my ex-husband. there was a period of my life when we giddily filled the roles of husband and wife, and every day i left work trying to find him and hole up in whatever little room he lived in, and we'd make indulgent music, long, random, intense or hilarious songs...we completely amused and entertained ourselves and he pulled me into a cloud of Genius, everything we made was Genius, which was remarkable since we made so much.

he is also one of my dear gemini - i keep several fabulous gemini in close proximity to me even though they flake on me all the time. i just adore them all. perhaps my odd combo of virgo sun scorpio moon means i need some binary companions.

jg wasn't my first affair of the arts - i once co-edited a magazine with a man who i found decidedly short but he had the most beautiful eyes, no one else seemed to see it. when we were editing i felt a cataclysmic bond, an ardor unchecked by reality. it took me years to heal enough from that to show my writing to another man.

in these cases and others i was always convinced that despite all my misgivings - the fact that i the pleasure activist didn't Want these men - that the creative passion must still be love. love and sex keep ending up on separate parallel paths through my life. whatever it takes to make something beautiful i suppose. still, i have a bad habit of being completely enthralled only by those who could take or leave me, and let me take or leave them. now i am growing to where i like understanding why i need someone, and why they need me, and that it isn't just the song. and having since experienced a more thorough heartbreak, felt the coming and going of love, felt the deep chasm of loving someone who doesn't really know how to sit and receive it, i am concluding that its really quite nice when someone can't take leave of you.  is that too brokeback for the blog?

anyway, joshua and i have now recorded three pre-demo songs, songs that were jottings in my journal with melodies in my head and now they have beats and guitar lines and breath. i am beside myself with the tangible aspect of having songs. i suspect they are really good. time will tell.

then we went to this spot, the glass house, which - how can i even describe it? it looks a bit like a room might look at the bottom of the east river, with all the sort of things one might throw into the east river (toys, toilets, bicycle parts, torn hammocks, bedposts) recreated into a living art of a room. quantity, not quality, reins supreme. but then there was quinn, who sounded quite wonderful, and sported a pair of pants that looked like a rabid woman had bitten the crotch off in a moment of lust...he'd mended with a kerchief, i couldn't help but examine. there were all these Fascinating Individuals there, 54 alices of different races and genders, a ghanaian drummer, all sorts of artists and hipsters. my baby sister right now has a set of friends who will likely grow into the folks in the room tonight: delightful if inadvertently pretentious - sort of wonderful, in a state of constant creation and battles of the wit. i never quite know what to think of it, i am drawn to people who hold their arts and genius a bit closer to the chest, doling it out in secret in the middle of the night, under alias, afraid to take themselves so seriously. it should, then, be refreshing to be in such a free scene. alas, i fell asleep.

the act of making my words and melodies into songs is exhausting and kind of frightening. they never sound like i thought they would, i want to do them over and over; joshua has to remind me they are just demos, this is just protools, we have a real studio coming. my first two callings combine in songwriting, and the songs don't really sound like anything i've quite heard, so i can't place my feet solidly in the idea that others might like them. but there you go...the demo is coming!

so is a good night's sleep. i am making these small steps - less whiskey, less cigarettes, more water, more sleep, less red meat, more walking, more cutting the hair (in the morning i go for mohawkish again!). steps from binge to balance, steps from now to then.

tender

some days, some things are a bit too tender to really blog about. whew. i admitted it. i believe that. and yesterday was one of those days, some of those things happened, maybe later i can tell you - i just got the exact words and attention and truths i needed to hear from exactly who i needed to hear it from, and now i'm back in the rabbit hole, fully willing to journey....

the rabbit hole is full of a bunch of nonsense, so this horoscope made me laugh out loud:

VIRGO (Aug. 23–Sept. 22): The elegant, shimmering fabric known as silk is obtained from the cocoon of a worm larva. Typically the cocoon is dunked in boiling water to kill the pupa inside before it can chew its way out. Another precious material with gross origins is ambergris. It's a foul-smelling excrement that sperm whales vomit. After years of exposure to the sun while floating on the ocean, it transforms into an aromatic, waxy substance that's used as a major ingredient in perfume. Silk and ambergris are your personal power symbols in the coming weeks, Virgo. I predict that you'll turn crap into treasure.

In other news - blessings to Mia on a new baby girl who i can't wait to meet, and I heard from joshuagabriel that he's engaged which completes the trifecta of nice jewish boy engagements all around me :) mazel tov!

that's all today - oh but we've started a blog on the league site - www.indyvoter.org/leaguetalksback - its in early stages, let me know your thoughts!

love and love

kat and i are here in my home with maker's mark, mallomar's, half baked and 
a girly movie - in her shoes. we are having a moment with our computers and 
our thoughts of people we adore who are not near. some people don't celebrate 
it, some people protest it, some people get lonely - i like to notice who is closest 
in my heart, and then let it all go. i have been thinking lately that letting go of 
expectations is such a good way to roll forward into any relationship. but at the 
same time, you risk losing dreams, dreams you didn't know you were holding, 
of kisses on the back of your neck near the top, hands on your back when you cry, 
children - with names, bone shattering passion, traditions of romance and family, 
singing in a room packed with people who love lyrics, writing breathtaking novels, 
waking up next to someone you wanted to spend the night with, dreams that sit 
brewing in the unused 90% of your brain until they suddenly don't happen and 
some other wonderful random normal magic happens and you're giggling and 
small talking and just so happy to be anywhere with someone you never expected 
to exist. losing is an art. this movie had a poem in it that captured this for me...try 
it on for size. 

One Art, By Elizabeth Bishop

The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day.  Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel.  None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch.  And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones.  And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

---Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied.  It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

this goes out to beheaded saints, patriarchal giving of flowers, packed restaurants 
full of awkward conversations and good intentions, cuddling and nuzzling and 
missing and wishing.

happy valentine's day darlings...

snow snow snow!!

snow!!

i fell down. that was my first encounter with the blizzard, i fell down some wet steps in washington heights. i looked at the wetness and thought -- ooh slippery, be carefuuuuuuuuuuuu-ow! i still have not looked to see how big the bruise is on the right buttocks, just keep avoiding that angle in the mirror.

i love snow, so i couldn't even stay upset at the outrage and embarrassment of finding myself flat after booty bumping down some steps in front of several children who looked on me with the pity they clearly reserve for adults who can't maneuver snow.

i also fall a lot, so i couldn't be surprised.  i fall so much that this past weekend when my sister met a friend of mine, and he commented on the fact that she wears heels and i don't, she felt the need to point out that i don't wear heels because i sprain my ankles and fall down all the time. i owe you one sis!

i spent a lot of the weekend developing some thoughts on how i feel about the lambasting of young white activists as a strategy to fight white supremacy. i watched this white boy get skewered a bit at a conference this weekend for trying to do something underthought but fundamentally good, and it occurred to me that we are really focusing attention on the wrong stuff. you know - don't protest when they call you nigga, protest when they legislate us like we niggers.

white supremacy doesn't prevail because guilty white kids try to do something to balance out their guilt and messed up legacy on the planet, nor is white supremacy new or evolving...it triumphs in  inertia. but it prevails, really, because people of color have such a deep inferiority complex and sense of self-loathing. justice, i think, requires an internal sense of equality and a consistent external reality of equity. i am not of the belief that the planet is big enough for anyone to escape white supremacy, or shame it out of existence; it's deeper, more personal work than that. i am thinking of some long point/counterpoint with a white activist and then someone who really believes hating whitey is the answer.

this reminds me of my freshman year in college, my girls were the black girls from our dorm, we rolled everywhere together. but it got to the point where my girls were spending 90% of their time just hating on white folks for everything, and it ended up with me not wanting to kick it with them anymore. and i don't think it was just cause my momma white...i think its cause i feel hate begets hate and at a certain point, reactionary, justified, whatever, it becomes a poison and an excuse and a wall.

now for full disclosure, i do my share of laughing my ass off at white people - white folks do some funny, backwards, lame, deadly things. history ain't on the side of white, speaking purely in terms of oppressive legacies, or style.

but we're all pretty flawed, pretty laughable, pretty pathetic at the end of the day. that's the common human struggle. in places where white folks aren't actively getting wicked, we find ways of shooting ourselves in the foot or leading genocidal campaigns against ourselves. (disagree? please send me examples of perfect communities). point is, we all have to evolve. the only white folks i know that seem to truly, deeply get it are those who've had intimate familial proximity to people of color.

so will bi/multi-racial folks save the world? is saving the world a pragmatic goal these days? and if it is, shouldn't the focus be on the planet anyway? the aftermath of katrina is a racial cleansing, but why did katrina even happen? how oppressed is the earth, to sound hella crunchy...aren't we all kind of active players in that bit of needless destruction?

questions, comments, neck-snapping responses welcome...just thinking with my fingers a lot these days.

here's a cute picture of my sister april ordering room service breakfast in my most recent emergency hotel room - her face is just fabulous, check that out:

saw donnell baird today, who i originally met when he was working for ACT in milwaukee, we've just decided to get to know each other. he's funny, and i can't recount any of the stories that made me laugh out loud, which is generally a good sign. also saw my boy darien today and he is newly engaged...look at you baby, love and commitment. what a delight!

ah i've left this post open too long and i fear its going on and on - just got a valentine's day gift from the parents and got myself chapelle season 2, octavia butler's newest offering, a replacement copy of waking life and anansi boys by neil gaiman. i love the 'buy used' option, you can get so much more for so much less!

i did get a hot new blazer from my mom for no real reason, just how mama-love is:

ok i will stop now! kisses, amb

these grown up days

do you ever go through little periods where you realize that there is very little that is actually theoretical or far away from you? like the things that, when i was growing up, seemed to happen to only the very famous, very scandalous types, or on television to make things dramatic. but then they all come into real life...death and babies, love triangles, love ending, love beginning, intrigue, conspiracy, heartbreak, affairs, impotence, brilliance, forgiveness, becoming more revolutionary, finding intimacy and romance, trauma, healing. it requires all sorts of maturity and honesty and being a grown up, trying to stay clear and standing and even joyful through all of that. i've had to be such an adult lately. 

have you deeply listened to the song 'love me still' by chaka khan? i think, for moments when you realize that love over a long period of time is really the deepest friendship where you hurt each other with your hurts, and love each other with your hope, and free each other from your burdens, and carry each other through hard times, that this is the perfect song to play. some of you faithful readers may ask: does this mean the heartbreaker has come back? not so simple beloveds...it means that a new chapter is upon us, one with less illusions and demands and self-absorbtion and more listening, learning, and depth. so its not even the same person come back, its the next evolution of communication.

in other news, just got back from a successful outreach trip, met with some folks doing great community work, and saw my sister april before her road trip to south carolina, who i may nickname the oracle, cause she be breakin off the super guidance. she's one of the few people who won't let me wiggle away from direct analysis. i like to analyze myself an a way that makes everything ok, but sometimes you need someone to be like wait hold up hold up...some things just aren't ok.

in my world of not ok, i am not sleeping a lot. for better or worse, my brain is fully on right now. its really hard to just lay down and sleep! i have so much to think about. my little meditation is a struggle. i haven't quit smoking yet. but april was like, join a gym, fake it till you make it, just invest in yourself!

then got to grab lunch with bouapha toommaly, one of the co-authors of how to get stupid white men out of office, for some catch-ups on how hard the non-profit world is. she's a warrior.

and then stopped off in baltimore for a quick and dirty hour of talking world, politics and life with dr. lester spence, one of my favorite brilliant people to talk to. i mean its that good when you go out of your way and meet in a train station just to get that level of conversation. then i slept on the train home like a bear in a cave, grabbed my favorite gyro and now, serious catch up on sleep time!!

tomorrow is the ny grassroots media conference, i'll be presenting on creating community voter guides. if you're in ny, come by - its at New School University Graduate Faculty (GF), 65 5th Avenue, between 13th and 14th Streets.  Union Square is the nearest subway. Come through if the blizzard doesn't get you.

i'm enjoying all the emails and posted responses to my little quiz! :) keep them coming. big kisses!

whirlwind

tarn gets my favorite reader of the day award for great answers to my questions!! i'm jealous of your implications! and to others who didn't answer...hint, hint - they weren't rhetorical.

i just spent several hours as a jury member for the media that matters film festival. how inspiring! there was such amazing work in there; real, beautiful stories and issues captured in these short films. i was most moved by those by young people, those on women - it's amazing that something only 6 minutes long can move you tears. i rallied for the ones i loved and am really excited to see them all out in the world!

i had a thought today that the world would be more bearable if people thought of money like it was the sun: there to sustain us, but too much creates a cancer that will kill you. unfortunately this presupposes that people actually understand their power dynamic with the sun, which is definitely not the case.

in other news john legend won a grammy for 'ordinary people', which is such a brilliant song! john performed for one of our healing innovations shows way back in the day, and at the nina simone tribute concert, which is still one of my most cherished events i have ever been involved in. back then he was john stephens, but the voice was already legendary. i then got to see him and kanye in a show at the knitting factory before they blew up - i remember thinking that john was angelic and sly and seemed so young; and that kanye was exciting and so short and what was up with that little backpack and that i liked the earnestness of his work. onward and upward boys!

in other other news - great therapy session today. haven't been since 2003, after a somewhat massive breakdown. it was good to be able to say i'm in a good place and have some real clear pieces of work. i think everyone could benefit from therapy! get some.

speaking of getting some...i had this nightmare that i hooked up with someone fabulous and we were later instant messaging about it and it turned out i was actually in an explicit conversation with the girlfriend i didn't know existed - oh no wait, that actually happened!! like, tonight!! rule one of taking a new lover: ask if they might have a serious significant other who wouldn't be cool with the lover-ness. my rather non-monogamous approach to life is such that i really interact with people as they present themselves and figure the rest falls in their area of responsibility. ugh! so not fresh.

but back to things that ARE fresh: soft toilet paper, long walks, good facilitation, letting go, thinking deeply, and sleeping a LOT.

off to do some outreach training in d.c. tomorrow, that insular, strange, pretty, short city i am so not feeling. but good people still need this info, so off i go.

gizoogle

today someone reminded me of the existence of gizoogle.com. have y'all had your ego gizoogle moment? do it - just a tip from adrienne marizzle brizzle.

the next whole segment is xxx, mom. the only safe reading is not reading for you at this point!

i am so tempted to write a piece called: tips on taking a new lover. i have been wanting to write this for a while, as i think it is a necessary skill to acquire and there is a RIGHT way to do it! but i am about to start the sex column! so i will save it.

i am also tempted to write an unrelated piece here called head sex, about a phenomenon which a dear friend told me i have been guilty of (there's such a more proper way to write that sentence but, you know, kiss mine.)

i would like to state, for the record, that I LOVE SEX. and i am blessed to be an activist-organizer whatever. and that's why my sex and relationship advice column for organizers is going to be so fun.

and now, i want to ask YOU a few questions. 10. 10 questions:

1. what comes to mind when you think of revolution?
2. what comes to mind when you think of slavery?
3. what comes to mind when you think of heaven?
4. who comes to mind when you think of evil?
5. what do you think of threesomes?
6. do you think you are superior in some way to the majority of the species? in what way? (hint: i think i might have a greater capacity to forgive, but i haven't determined if it is mo' superior or mo' sucker)
7. would you say you have amazing sex on a regular basis?
8. do you recycle?
9. what do you do when you most need to relax?
10. are you addicted to sudoku yet? (www.websudoku.com)

the founder of now has died. coretta scott king has died. i want a different remembering of them than i am seeing thus far. why don't we ever want to remember the real strength in women when they pass - they are wives or symbols to us, we never want to remember humans, warriors.

has anyone created a multi-use charger yet? something with multiple adapters for various phones, computers, etc? i want one. where is it?

i'm going to be interviewing saul williams - any burning questions you'd like me to ask him?

and now, some shout outs:

i want to send a shout out to malia - hope the rice tasted just right!
i want to send a shout out to adam and karynn - i love the energy you left here!
i want to send a shout out to sofia - miss you!
i want to send a shout out to jalen - i will call you kai if you want, promise!
and to janine - 10 Gs homey!
i want to send a shout out to april and autumn - you inspirational beauties you!
i want to send a shout out to you - have a marvelous day!

i must to bed :)

GOOOOO STEEEEEEEELERS!!!!!

Pittsburgh

on superbowl weekend is nuts!! The Steelers have won the Superbowl and the city is on fire, people are in the streets celebrating, everywhere I look its black and gold and folks giving the high 5! I fell in love with Pittsburgh in 2004, and spent the weekend training the super sophisticated Pittsburgh League in organizational development, political landscaping, base building and multi-racial organizing with Natasha, Khari and Biko…everyone is moving onward and upward and we had the greatest talk last night about shedding light, trust and how love is the ultimate force.

And then the Steelers became world champions!! And no one's going to work, school is delayed, the streets look like a tornado rolled through, and it did - a tornado of crazy fans knocking over everything in their midst. All the streets near my hotel were shut down...the feeling in the city was crazy. Happy.

Another little moment of happiness:

(01:02:56) karynn: oh my god did you hear what charlie rangel said?
(01:03:03) karynn: speaking of new yorkers?
(01:04:26) karynn: reporter asked rep rangel what he thought of the President
(01:04:31) karynn: and he said
(01:04:51) karynn: "well, i really think he shatters the myth of white supremacy once and for all."

It's Monday morning, I have to leave the victory party later today and go home, but until then I'ma soak it in and let it rub off on y'all.

Here we go Steelers...

 

live from denver - true spin

"warrior supreme
any true fighters dream
outrageously insane
u
are
to not love her"

that's what i woke up to as my latest testimonial...and it has made my day!

especially since i spent the morning having a moment of...oh what to call it - technical hypochondria? virtual hypochondria? i saw a report on cnn about the kama sutra virus and realized i hadn't backed up my files and then i turned on my computer and it froze, and kept freezing and after that every time i turned it on it would work for 5 minutes before it froze, so i was trying to virus scan it, and trying to save all of my files to a different place. tears started to well up in my eyes, and then i decided to not think about it.

it then started working.

whew. i have since backed up everything that matters on here. back it up chris!

a random thought - there's no clear path into chaos. i feel like the wind is picking me up off the ground and i am ready to fly.

have been hosted in denver by the stunning and brilliant nora. last night involved mango and sticky rice, nina simone, smoke, whiskey, telling of our brushes with death, jammies her mama bought me with dolphins on them, and me slipping into a deep sleep too early. it was perfect, i got so so relaxed. i love nora, her eyes alone are worth three pages. thank you sis! next time malaysia!

now i'm at the true spin conference and there was an interesting presentation this morning on how we present our stories, it's either institutional accountability vs personal responsibility. it made me think about how much both sides confuse this - it goes back to that left/right battle which is the center of why i hate politics.

we are all hypocrits...the right calls for faith in the institution. when the institution fails, they blame the people - support the troops until they are homeless lazy bums, right? and we on the left tell these personal stories of tragedy in which this personal tale is supposed to lead people to a conclusion of institutional guilt. in the process, we cast ourselves as pathetic victims - and yet for our side of the story to work, we must believe the people's power is unparalleled. we don't show the brilliant hero who the system has left on the streets. I wondered - how do we clarify this? How do we tell stories of people that show their power against an institution that is failing?

And of course the context for this right now is the culture of fear - you are taught to fear other people, and trust the institution. People bombing people: terrorists. Institutions bombing people: war on terror. Right now the right is way ahead of us in placing the origin of fear in other people...crazy people want to stop democracy and freedom and want to take your stuff and rape you in the park. We don't want to hear that the institution is driving people crazy, we don't want to hear that the institution isn't taking care of people - is that even the job of...it goes in circles!

my question is, how do you use the tools of the institution to shift the thinking in normal people (when i say normal people i mean people who don't sit around all day every day thinking a strategy could save a world) enough to realize that their only prison is the institution? how do we communicate to people who don't realize that they are in a prison? how do we communicate to people who are maybe more comfortable not thinking in terms of questions? trust people, fear the institution.

and plus, almost all the stress for the left comes from the fact that the right is scooping a message that makes more sense for left programs and left policy. one of the speakers - kathy bonk - said its like flowers. most people aren't trying to garden, they just want flowers. if policy is the earth and issues make the stem, then big picture/values make the blooming flower, and most people just want the flower, a tulip, whatever. to me, we're at a moment where we have to say bitch give me back my flower! or expose the right's tulips as faux. fake flowers, fake fruit, fake opportunity - nothing is really being offered by the haves to the have nots. nothing ever changes. you have to grow your own, person to person.

ok gotta go head to pittsburgh. its superbowl weekend...how will anyone want to focus on learning? :)

go steelers!